Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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