I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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