I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
