The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
