Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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