I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
