Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
