Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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