I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Holy shit dude........stairs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
