He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
