They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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