I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
