I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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