ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry about my life...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
