i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
