He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
