thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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