Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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