Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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