i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
