kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
