i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can't motorboat a personality
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
