I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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