this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
