Already got asked if we're dating
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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