Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
