Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
