you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
