Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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