how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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