I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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