Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
