I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
