in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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