She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My cat gives me a boner
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
