Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
