how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
