Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
