Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this just has baby written all over it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
