ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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