I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
