I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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