Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.