Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.

Fav 34 4025 2017
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(203): View more from Connecticut

What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

Fav 57 4430 2010
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(925): View more from California

I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

Fav 16 4530 1399
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

Fav 4 1857 997
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.

Fav 6 2230 1301
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(515): View more from Iowa

I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.

Fav 7 1688 921
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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

Fav 16 1574 1100
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(719): View more from Colorado

I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse

Fav 2 1043 576
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(469): View more from Texas

How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.

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