he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step