Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
