the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed