Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.