I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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