it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.