weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dating After Heartbreak
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything