I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner