Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud