I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
