you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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