in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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