you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
