I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
