Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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