Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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