Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
