elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
