STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize