I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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