Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
