I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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