PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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