and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
