Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
