God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
