Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
