You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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