oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
