a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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