weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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