My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
