are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
