I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
