I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
