i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
