I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
