she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
