I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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