If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
